Show Dates

Geeks Who Drink - Pub Quiz
 
Every Wednesday at 7:00pm
Albuquerque, New Mexico
Tractor Brewery - Four Hills
 
Every Thursday at 7:00pm
Albuquerque, New Mexico
Palmer Brewery & Cider House

Thursday, June 14th - 8pm
Red Velvet Comedy Showcase
Albuquerque, New Mexico
Red Velvet Underground Rhino

Saturday, June 16th - 6pm
Dinner Detective
Albuquerque, New Mexico
Marriott Uptown

Saturday, June 22nd - 6pm
Dinner Detective
Placitas, New Mexico
Private Show

Saturday, June 30th - 6pm
Destiny Wrestling Organization
Albuquerque, New Mexico

Cesar Chaves Community Center

Friday, July 6th - 8pm
First Friday's Comedy Contest
Albuquerque, New Mexico
Tractor Brewery - Wells Park

Friday, July 27th - 8pm
Ultimate Comedy Fight Club
Albuquerque, New Mexico
Tilted Kilt Brewery

 

 

Thursday
Sep292011

Taking Drugs for Science - BONUS RAP!

                  HOT FOR THE EXAMINER                       
(this rap was written during my final drug experiment session)


I pee in a cup
Get my blood pressure checked
Haven’t got off in a while so I’m fully erect.
I elect to examine her
“Her” being the examiner
I have a feeling she’d respect my diameter
Should I reveal this plan to her,
Let her know that I’m horny?
She’s not super-hot but most hot girls kinda bore me.
I’d let her floor me with electrodes on my nipples
Do it like a toad, froggy style on my pickle
I’d diddle her middle like a finely tuned fiddle
And we’d solve each other’s bodies like a complicated riddle

‘Cause I’m hot for the examiner and she’s hot for me
She sees my heart beat in the EKG
She takes my urine sample
She’d take my semen if I let her
Lake Michigan is wet
But I’m pretty sure she’s wetter

So she’s a medic in genetics, got a Master’s Degree
But what she really wants to study is my anatomy
Examine me inside and out,
Inch by inch
Give me a full body physical on the waiting room bench
Keep the brain confidential from the Bio Station
There’s a lot of potential for a H.I.P.P.A. violation

‘Cause I’m hot for the examiner and she’s hot for me
She sees my heart beat in the EKG
She takes my urine sample
She’d take my semen if I let her
Lake Michigan is wet
But I’m pretty sure she’s wetter

So this session’s almost over but my erection is not
The lesson learned today is that science is hot
Hot like an overheated robot machine
Is this Love, is it Lust, or perhaps Amphetamine
To tell you the truth, I don’t really know
But I’m high on something and it ain’t placebo
‘Cause the last time I was this turned on was by my sexy pediatrician
Giving me a suppository as Valium lowered my inhibitions
So I’m about to end this rhyme and make my move
Fuck…hold up…I just realized she’s a dude…

‘Cause I’m Not for the examiner
and he’s Not for me
He sees my heart beat in the EKG
He takes my urine sample
But best avoid my sperm
You’d make the same mistake if you saw this dude’s perm

Tuesday
Sep272011

Win tickets to SMOKES & JOKES happening this Saturday, October 1st at Terrene Hookah Lounge!

Tuesday
Sep272011

Taking Drugs for Science - Day 4


“Maybe we’ll never go insane. You always said we would. Sometimes I wish we could.”
-The Weakerthans


+00:05
This is my final day of this study. I’ve laughed, I’ve cried, I’ve taken 8 olive green colored mystery capsules. You will be missed drug study #1. It seems like only yesterday that I felt you on my tongue for the first time. Oh how fast 3 weeks seems to fly by. I will never forget the memories we’ve shared…peeing in cups for you, falling asleep twice that one day. Having more energy than I knew what to do with that other day. Flirting with your researchers. But like all good things in life, it must come to an end. But don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. I’ll find other things to keep me entertained. To help me keep my mind off of you…or at least try. I hope you do the same. You’ll find other people to research and you’ll have countless life experiences with them. Don’t let the memories of me slow you down. Examine each of your future research subjects just like they were your first. Don’t be afraid of losing them in the future, just love every moment you have with them like it was your last. Whatever your future brings you, I hope you’re happy. I will never forget you.

So based on process of elimination on my predictions of the last 3 sessions, today I think I got either Valium or placebo. My fingers are crossed for Valium, but I suspect the latter. I’m anxious for my $200 check to come in a couple of weeks because then I get to come discuss the results of my test with them and figure out which drugs I got for sure each day. Plus I’ll have $200.

+01:17
I’m feeling pretty good. Relaxed, thoughtful, happy, and optimistic. It’s very comparable to the first day of the study. If my predictions are correct, the Valium and the placebo have a very similar effect on me. What does this mean? Maybe that I’m a naturally relaxed, happy, optimistic, freethinking person. I have natural Valium in my brain. I like that idea.

+02:15
Just took the cognitive tests. I think this week may have been the best I’ve done. I’m pretty sure I got placebo this session, but I feel really good. This study is really relaxing. In between the tests I get to relax and do whatever I want, which is usually writing and listening to music. Sure, by not having a job I can technically do that often, but here while I’m doing it I don’t feel like I should be doing something else, like looking for a job or trying to meet people. It’s like this is what I’m supposed to be doing at this moment in time, so I can just relax and go with it. It’s an incredible feeling. Something so simple can bring so much peace and happiness. I’m working on figuring out how to bring this feeling to everything I do in life.

 

Origanally posted on September 2nd, 2009 on "Don't Blog This"

Friday
Sep232011

Taking Drugs for Science - Day 3

"Origanally posted on August 25th, 2009 on the world-famous website blogspot.com"

 

+00:06
I already have a feeling I got the amphetamine today. Not necessarily because I have a lot of energy, that’s probably just due to finally getting enough sleep and Ch-Check It Out by the Beastie Boys playing on my iPod. It’s more just a process of elimination thing. 2 sessions down and 2 to go and I’m almost positive I haven’t had the upper yet.
So I filled out the first “How Are You Feeling Now?” survey and discovered I’m in a really good mood today. (This was before I’d taken any capsules.) Turns out a lot of things can affect you like a drug. Music is one for sure, but today I didn’t listen to music on the train ride here. Instead I listened to a book on tape, audio-book to be politically correct (I don’t want to offend any cassettes). I realized I can “read” so many books on my countless train rides. Last night and this morning I’ve been listening to “How To Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnagy. Regardless of how it may sound, I’m not really reading this to help make friends in the new city. That’s not really what it’s about. It’s more a book about interpersonal communication. So far if I had to rename the book I think I’d call it “How to get what you want from people by Giving them what they want.” That’s a long title, but it seems fitting. The 1st chapter talked about how you shouldn’t criticize people because it will only cause them to become defensive. The 2nd chapter’s about how you should tell people when they’re doing something good or right. All too often the good things people do, even if they’re noticed, go unmentioned. It advises against “flatter” because this is usually an attempt to give some one a generic compliment for your own benefits.

+00:40
Instead you should look at them honestly and discover their good qualities, which everyone has, then you can give them genuine compliments.
Anyway, it’s a good book with a lot of good historical examples to show what he’s talking about in real life instances. The hour and a half I’ve listened to so far has already encouraged me to try and better myself and my people skills, for lack of a better term. While feeling out the “How Do You Feel Now” survey, I realized what a good mood I’m in. Sure part of it’s probably do to being well rested, getting out of the apartment, the little bit of coffee I drank this morning, and the awesome week I had hanging out with Lisa, Shea, Norm, and Karl, but I also think a large part of my current optimistic mood came from this book that I was (fake) reading.
Reading Is My Anti-Drug! (But I enjoy reading much more when I’m on drugs…just kidding)
I feel way better than I did during the last session. Pretty much the exact opposite. Awake, energetic, and “full-of-pep” as the survey puts it. The problem is I never really know if it’s because of the capsules I’m taking or the mood I was already in. Oh well, I guess that’s not really a problem.

+01:10
It’s the Upper! Like I say, I was well rested and semi-energetic anyway, but nonetheless I feel this is the most sure I’ve been of any of the 3 studies. At the end of the 4 sessions I find out what I took each session and if this is placebo I’ll admit I’m wrong and actually feel good that I feel this “Up” on placebo, but I would bet money that this is no placebo.
Hellogoodbye’s “All of your Love” is playing on my iPod. This is the perfect kind of music for how I’m feeling right now…but then again, I felt the same way when DMX or the Beastie Boys, or now Eminem came on…pretty much anything upbeat. Oh man, this is awesome. Fuck This Is Awesome! Don’t think I’m some druggy. I’m doing this all legally…AND getting paid for it! Man, being unemployed is awesome. I’ve said that aa lot this week. 2 separate occasions I was laying in the sun on the beach. Once with Karl, once with Lisa. Lisa was cuter. Speaking of Lisa and Hellogoodbye, we’re going to see them in Albuquerque next month! That’s right, you heard it here first. I’m flying in next month for my sister Rachel’s Birthday. She said she’d pay for my flight to have her little brother there on her birthday. I love that girl. I love all the people in that family (my family). Enough Love talk, it’s starting to sound like I’m on ecstasy. That wasn’t one of the drugs they were testing.

+01:43
So I just finished the cognitive and reaction time puzzles for this session. I think I did pretty well. Nothing too incredible, but perhaps slightly better than usual. Definitely better than last week. The effect from the capsules are wearing off. I’m not as hyper and energetic, but I still feel pretty good. My head’s tingling a little bit. Goodbye Upper. You will be missed.

Thursday
Sep222011

The Serious Side of Comedy - A Critique 

My 5 year old niece helps me to improve my new stand up material.