Show Dates


Thursday, September 12th - 7:30pm
Thursday Night Standup
Bernalillo, New Mexico
The Stage at The Star


Thursday, September 19th - 7pm
Side Effex Stand Up - Open Mic
Albuquerque, New Mexico
Side Effex

Thursday, September 26th - 7pm
Side Effex Stand Up - Open Mic
Albuquerque, New Mexico
Side Effex

Saturday, September 28th - 6pm
The Dinner Detective
Albuquerque, New Mexico
Albuquerque Marriott Uptown

Friday, October 4th - 8pm
First Friday's Comedy Contest
Albuquerque, New Mexico
Tractor Brewery Wells Park





Taking Drugs for Science - Day 1

"This was origanally written on July 1st, 2009 when I was living in Chicago.  I posted the 4 part series on my blog, "Don't Blog This", which nobody ever really read.  Here's my second shot and trying to get people to read what I write when I'm on drugs (legally)."


So today is the first Real day of my first study with De Wit Research Center at The University of Chicago. It's the closest thing I've gotten to a job since I moved to Chicago 6 weeks ago. It's pretty sweet; I get paid $200 for 4, 4 hour sessions and a 2 hour orientation. At the beginning of each session I take a Mystery Capsule (or two), that contains one of four things: Valium, an Amphetamine, Alcohol, or a placebo. I hear placebo gets you pretty fucked up. It's a double-blind study, meaning neither the researchers nor I know which of the four drugs I've taken. I decided it would be fun to write while I'm on th mystery capsules and see if the writing style or subject matter changes. I feel like I write a variety of things, so it is likely to change due to my crazy brain alone and not the capsules. I should probably go ahead and let you know that I took today's capsule about 45 minutes ago. Every half hour the researcher comes in to take my blood pressure, then I take a puzzle type test that measures my reaction time. Next I take a survey asking questions regarding my mood and how I'm felling. That all takes about 10-minutes, then I get to go back to doing whatever I want, in this case writing this and listening to my iPod on shuffle.

If I had to guess what I took today, I'd probably guess Valium or the placebo. Definately not the upper. I feel calm and relaxed. Peaceful. But sometimes I feel this way even when I'm not on drugs. Crazy huh? I've only had Valium once and it was combined with WAY too much liquor and dancing. I blacked out for a couple hours at a club downtown and woke up Sunday afternoon sprawled out on my office floor. No joke, haha. So, I'm not sure how Valium is really
supposed to feel, but probably some thing like this.

I'm back from another test, so that means I'm about +01:15 into it right now. Starting to think a little more that I got placebo. I am still very relaxed. The researcher told me that the next "test" is the big one. I guess they make me do more stuff. I hope I don't have to run on a treadmill. I am really tired, but it's very likely because I had to wake up at 6:00 this morning for this thing, so I got about 4 hours of sleep. They have a list of VHSs you can watch if you want. They have 3 copies of "The Mask." I told them I would like 2 copies of The Mask and "Adventures in Babysitting," whatever that is. Then I changed my mind and asked for "John Tess Christmas Worship." They actually have that. She knew I was kidding, but then she thought I was still joking when I asked for "10 Things I Hate About You" and "Life Is Beautiful." I wasn't joking. I don't really think I'll get to either of them though. Oh well, maybe in the next session.

If this isn't placebo-pill it's pretty lame. Not bad, just nothing too incredible. They need to find a better dealer.

I just took some of the other reaction time tests. Most of them are actually pretty fun, except for the stupid snowflake test. That's one where a small snow flake symbol appears in the middle of the screen and you click the button on the mouse as soon as you see it. It's boring and goes on too long, but the other ones are cool. I actually kinda want to do them again. I'll try to describe them. On one, either an X or an O appears on the center of the screen. If it's an X you press the Z key as quickly as possible, and if it's the O you hit the ? key as quickly as possible. The catch is that if there's a beep with the symbol you're not supposed to press anything. It's tough.

The next one's cooler. You see 4 cards at the top of the screen that look something like this:

You see one card (below these that stay at the top of the screen) at a time and you have to press the button to the card it corresponds with. It could be the shape, number of shapes, or the color of the shapes. It tells you rather you're correct or not, then goes to the next card. You have to try and figure out the pattern as quickly as possible. Then the pattern changes without telling you and you have to figure out the new pattern. So maybe you were matching shapes, now all of a sudden you'll be matching color for the next few cards. It's hard to explain, but it's really cool...well, pretty cool.

{Tanget - So the experimenter girl is pretty cool. I ended up just talking casually about sex with her. She came in and I told her I was listening to "Oh Little Town of Bethlehem" because my iPod was on shuffle. She told me she hadn't figured out how to get her audiobooks off of shuffle. "It's really bad when I'm jamming out, then some book comes on," she said.
My response: "It's worse when you're having sex and then Genesis chapter 4 starts playing. Or some weird sound effects that you downloaded for a video you were making."
I like messing with her. When I got here she asked if I was ready to take the urine sample. I told her I wasn't ready so she brought me some water and left while I took a survey. She came back and said "Let's go get the urine sample."
I said, "Oh, I already di it" and tried to hand her my insulated coffee cup with a lid on it. She wouldn't take it so I took a drink. (It didn't really have urine in it...I don't think).
I'm pretty sure she's into me.}

Ok, I'm almost out of here. One more blood-pressure test and another survey, then I'm done. I was going to tell you about the last cool reaction test that I I think I did really well on, but I realized it would be even harder to explain than the last one. I guess you'll just have to sell your body to science if you really want to find out what it is.

My next session is Monday so I'll have some more for you then!


The Reptilian Lounge gets more than they bargained for....


Walker Texas Ranger


Being Gay is now Cooler then Ever

National Coming Out Day Makes Homosexuality Cool Again

by Rusty Rutherford


National Coming Out Day was originally created as an internationally-observed civil awareness day for coming out and discussion about lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) issues. But some liberal-extremists, or super-gays as they’re known among their queers, are taking what even many liberals consider to be over-the-top actions.

On July 24th this past summer, a group of nearly two-dozen super-gays showed up outside of the outdoor wedding of Tina and Richard Conoly of Tucson Arizona. The group was boasting signs with bold messages such as “Obama Hates Straights” and “Heteros Caused Dancing With The Stars.” Neither Mr. nor Mrs. Conoly could be reached for an interview, but we did manage to get a few words from the father of the groom.

“What [the super-gays] did at my son’s wedding was very under appropriate and disrespectable,” Gene Conoly claims. “It was a very difficult day for my son, knowing from that moment on he could never sleep with another woman again with ease. He did not need the added pressure of the left wingers.”

Gene’s wife put her hands on her hips and shook here head back and forth with pouted lips.

Illinois Democrat Susun Patters agrees that the wedding fiasco was too much. “These people claiming to be Liberals are giving a bad name to all the other Liberals out there. Although I don’t necessarily agree with heterosexuality, saying Obama hates all straights is going a bit too far. Barack Obama loves all minorities equally.”

The straight-bashing attacks aren’t only happening to adults. Many students, some as young as eight, are being teased and peer-pressured, even within the loving arms of public schools.

“They called me names like straight-lord and boob lover,” fourth grader Michael Armstrong admits through teary eyes. “One kid told me to go back to Mexico.” When asked if he was from Mexico, Armstrong replied “No, but there’s supposed to be a lot of straight people there.”

Nevin Platt Middle School 8th grader Philip Santana came out of the closest last year on National Coming Out Day, even though he did not feel he was attracted to the same sex.

“The popular gay kids told me if I didn’t come out of the closet they wouldn’t play pogs with me,” Santana stammered with a forced lisp. “I’m not really sure what pogs are, but I think they might be the next big thing. I don’t want to miss out on the next Internet just because I’m a stiff-wrist.”

Only time will tell if the recent gay trend will continue to grow in popularity even through the rough economy.